Finding My Purpose

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

By D’Ann White
Managing to arouse myself from the fog I’d been immersed in for several weeks, I noticed that my 13-year-old son, Ian, was playing his electric guitar.
“Shouldn’t you be reading the books on your summer reading list?” I yelled in an effort to be heard over the amplifiers.
He turned down the amps and shrugged.
“What’s the point?” he asked.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“Well, you were an A student, on the honor roll, the National Honor Society. You did everything you were supposed to and look where it got you.”
Hmm. I could see his point. After nearly 25 years with the company, The Tampa Tribune laid me off in May.
As far as Ian was concerned, I was living proof that there is no reward for hard work, dedication and loyalty.
As an estimated 400 St. Stephen parishioners who have lost jobs over the past couple of years can attest, shock and grief doesn’t begin to describe what I was feeling.
Intellectually, I understood that it’s a lousy economy, that I wasn’t the only one to lose my job and that it wasn’t a reflection on me or my work.
But emotionally, I wondered why the powers-that-be chose me and not the co-worker who didn’t have as much experience or didn’t write as many stories. What did I do wrong?
On top of all these doubts, I was consumed by guilt.
I carried all the health and life insurance for the family. Now what would we do?
I wondered if this was perhaps God’s punishment for my selfishness. You see, being a journalist wasn’t simply a career for me. I felt it was a calling. I truly believed that I could help and inspire others with my words, that I could make a difference in the world.
I could conceive of no reason God would allow my career to be taken away except He felt I wasn’t using my gifts to glorify and serve Him; I was using them to serve myself.
After the layoff, I couldn’t attend Mass. I couldn’t accept the Holy Eucharist. I felt as if I’d let God down and I was no longer welcome in His House.
Friends tried to reassure me. They would tell me that God has greater plans for me. But, no, that didn’t seem right. Something told me my layoff was God’s way of keeping me humble, of reminding me that, at the end of the day, what I do for a living isn’t all that important.
So, if what we do in life isn’t important, what is?
Surely God didn’t intend to give my son the message that hard work, loyalty and dedication are misguided virtues.
Then it occurred to me, perhaps that’s the problem. We all expect to be rewarded for hard work, loyalty and dedication.
But God never promised us riches, happiness, admiration, the love of others, health or any other rewards on earth. He only promised us rewards in heaven.
Remember, La Immaculata Concepcion reiterated this to Saint Bernadette in the grotto at Lourdes, saying, “I cannot promise to make you happy in this world, only in the next.”
As individuals, we are here for such a short time and, for the most part, our contributions are nebulous, quickly forgotten. A person isn’t measured by his fleeting accomplishments or successes.
Instead, as the saints show us, we are measured by our faith.
That faith gives us the ability to overcome adversity, to tackle innumerable challenges and emerge with our devotion intact.
That faith gives us the ability to know that, no matter what obstacles are put in our path; God will never desert us as long as our belief remains strong.
That faith gives us the ability to carry on and continue serving Him without expecting glory for ourselves here on earth.
That faith gives us the moral rectitude to accept life’s inequities without becoming bitter.
That faith allows us to strive for sanctity knowing that we’re imperfect and will have to forgive ourselves for our setbacks.
It took two months of prayer and soul-searching, but I finally had my reply to Ian’s comments.
I told him we must strive to be our best, to use our God-given gifts to serve Him not for how it will benefit us but for how it will benefit others.
Even if no one remembers what we did to serve God, the fact that we served God with passion, that we glorified Him in the way we knew best, is enough to give our lives meaning.
“So don’t you dare use my layoff as an excuse to be a slacker,” I warned him.