Rejections lead to self-doubts

I’ve lost count of the number of resumes I’ve sent out. Hundreds?
I’ve gotten three interviews. No job offers.
And I’m wondering if it’s not simply a symptom of the economy, if there’s something wrong with me.
You can only be rejected so many times before you begin to have doubts about your own abilities. Despite assurances from family members and friends that I was a talented reporter and editor, a hard worker, a dedicated employee who gave 110 percent to my job, I can’t help but feel inadequate about my abilities at this point.
I cry. A lot.
I keep reviewing my layoff. What prompted my employer to choose me over another, less-experienced reporter? Was it my personality? My age? Was there a perception that I wasn’t as committed as I should have been? Was it simply a matter of finances that had nothing to do with my performance? I’ll always wonder and never know for sure.
Just as I’ll never know why countless employers keep rejecting me in favor of another applicant. Was it my personality? My age? Was there a perception that I wasn’t as committed as I should have been? Was it simply a matter of finances that had nothing to do with my performance?
I think that’s the crux of my angst – the uncertainty, which leads to insecurity. And that insecurity, in turn, leads to a lack of self-confidence that most assuredly creeps into my voice as I shakily answer the interviewer’s questions about my qualifications.
No wonder I can’t get a job. Who wants to hire someone who sounds unsure about whether they can handle the duties of the job?
Then, there’s the stigma.
Face it, no matter how many times you tell a potential employer that your layoff had nothing to do with your job performance, there’s always that doubt. If you were such a great reporter, such an invaluable employee, there is no way they would have let you go. They would have done everything in their power to keep you.
Never mind the fact that you worked for your employer for 23 years and received glowing reviews every year, was consistently promoted and given increasing responsibility. You must have done something terribly wrong to deserve this fate.
It’s difficult enough to find a job in these dire economic times. It’s nearly impossible to find a job in newspapers, which have taken a double hit because of the rising popularity of Internet news combined with the loss of advertising revenue.
But I’ll keep trying because reporting is all I’ve ever done and all I’ve ever wanted to do. Eventually, someone’s going to recognize that I’ve still got some award-winning stories in me.